Few among mommies
Stay-at-home dads find comfort in numbers

Printed in the Villager (V. 51, No. 8, June 18-July 1, 2003)
Written by Mark Dahl

Paul Johnson was in his eighth year as the track and cross-country coach at the College of St. Catherine. It was getting to be a seven-day-a-week job with practices taking place during the week and meets and recruiting taking place on the weekends in the fall, winter and springtime. This left very little family time for him, his wife Angela, and his two sons, Kristofer and Parker.

Angela had a good job as a district sales manager at Wells Fargo, so in 2002 Johnson decided to hang up his clipboard and whistle to become a full time stay-at-home daddy. “It wasn’t an easy decision at the time,” insists Johnson. “I agonized over it for a while. I wasn’t only walking away from a job, but from a career that would be a very tough thing to get back into if I should decide in the future to work again. But staying home full time made so much sense.”

When Johnson, a Highland Park resident, asked Angela if she would support his decision to stay at home, she was more than thrilled with the idea. “I thought it was a great idea,” said Angela. “I was looking forward to being a family again.”

Macalester-Groveland resident Mike Christianson decided to become a stay-at-home father and take care of his two kids after five years at RBC Dain Rauscher investment firm. “It was getting too hectic with a child in day care and one entering pre-school,” claims Christenson. “My wife got promoted at her job so it was economically feasible for me to stay home.”

Since the cost of daycare isn’t cheap, families all over the country are facing the question of whether it’s more financially viable for one parent to stay at home full time. Although statistics are sketchy, they do show more fathers are deciding to leave their careers to play the role of stay-at-home parent. The Washington Post reported a national survey completed from 1985 to 1995 reflected a growing increase of stay-at-home fathers (almost 2 million and growing).

Even though more men have decided to stay at home, Johnson and Christianson found out real quick they were in a large minority in a stay-at-home mom world. When they took their children to the park or enrolled in ECFE (Early Childhood and Family Education) classes, they found themselves as the only men amongst a few dozen women.

“The biggest problem I hear from stay-at-home dads is the feeling of isolation,” said Johnson. “There are many mommy groups that are very visible, but not too many daddy groups.”

Last fall, Johnson decided to get involved with Minnesota Dads At Home (MDAH), a group made up entirely of stay-at-home fathers. MDAH started sometime in the mid-90’s but never grew beyond a few members and eventually folded. Last year, a few stay-at-home fathers rejuvenated the group, and it has grown to around 30 members from all over the Twin Cities area. This caused the group to split into four sections of the Twin Cities. The Macalester-Groveland and Highland Park neighborhoods are part of the southeast region.

The fathers of MDAH and their kids try to meet on a weekly basis. Some of the activities include trips to area parks, recreation centers, zoos, picnics and athletic events. Once a month, the group holds a board meeting to plan activities. The next meeting takes place July 1 at 7:30 p.m. at the Butler Center on the campus of the College of St. Catherine.

Also, one night a month the men gather without the kids for some evening socializing at a local pub or bowling alley. Members can catch up on news and future activities through a Web site http://www.mdah.org

“Every member has his own story about why he is a stay at home dad,” said Christianson, who joined MDAH in April. “Some have been laid off, others just decided it was best for the family to stay home, some work part time and others are trying to get back into the workforce full time. MDAH provides a little bit of a social outlet while they are stay-at-home fathers that they don’t get since they’re not around colleagues everyday.”

Even though he agonized over the decision to stay at home, Johnson feels it’s the best decision he ever made. “Staying at home isn’t for everybody, not all men would be comfortable doing this,” said Johnson. “For me, it turned out better than I expected. We get more family time than we ever had before and it’s much easier to complete household projects that have been put off. I recently finished our basement – a project that never would have been completed had I kept working.”

“It gives us more quality time when we are together as a family,” stated Christianson. “While I was working, we spent weekends cleaning the house, shopping for groceries and doing yard work. Now, I can complete that stuff during the week so we can relax and do family activities on weekends. It just makes things less hectic.”

Even though society sometimes looks down on stay-at-home fathers because in a traditional American family the father is supposed to be the breadwinner, Christianson is proud to say he’s a stay-at-home dad. “Heck, when I talk to most of my friends they seem envious of my situation.”